Thursday, June 28, 2012

Screw Motivation!

I haven't had motivation in a couple of weeks and it bothers me.  It's not that I'm not losing weight and its not that I don't want to do better, its just an emotional thing that I really can't put my finger on.  It's even been difficult for me to eat right for some reason.  Now when I don't feel I put forth enough effort or eat something I shouldn't have, I get upset with myself, I scold myself and tell myself I need to do better.

The problem is, what is done, is done.  There are very few days that I can get in some extra exercise because I didn't do enough in the morning.  And let's face it, I can't un-eat that slice of pizza.  *well I could, but that's gross and even more unhealthy*

My problem is that I can't seem to carry these feelings over to the next day.

This morning, after being down on myself for a few days (even upset yesterday because I was almost 1000 calories short - a whole other topic on why it's bad), and getting my first full nights sleep this week, I ran for 20 minutes!  While not as long as I'd like it to have been, I still need to push to improve, I'm so glad I did it, even though I wasn't feeling motivated.

When I woke up to my alarm this morning (and not a crying baby) I was shocked and only hit snooze once *anyone who has their alarm set for 3:30 am deserves at least 1 snooze*  I had a slight headache and wasn't sure I really wanted to run.  Right now while running on the treadmill I need something to distract me.  Without a destination I'm running to I find it difficult to keep up my energy and keep going.  I almost gave in and did a video, but a video isn't going to improve my running distance like I want to do.  So I told myself "suck it up and get your ass on the treadmill, you will be glad you did later."  I did my 5 minute warm up walk (which I'm proud to say is .5 mph faster than what it was when I started running 2 months ago) and then I kicked up the speed by a 1mph and ran.  After 5 minutes I just wanted it to be over, after 10 minutes and Smurfs ending *There isn't much but infomercials on at 4am* I decided that I just needed to break that sweat barrier and I'd be fine.  You know that point where go from being warm to dripping with sweat, I hate that transition for some reason*  After 15 minutes I said "Hell you can go another 5" and as each of those last 5 minutes passed I kept telling myself "you get to walk longer than you have left of running." (I do a 5 minute cool down) and for the last minute I decided I needed to push a little and bumped my speed up by a few tenths of a mile.

I didn't get the runner's high this morning, but I am happy that I ran and put forth much more effort than I have been.

Now I need to plan out the next two weeks that are going to be very busy with family gatherings, graduation parties, BBQs and camping!

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