Skinny Jeans

I want to start off this post with a big thanks to Jenn for her post on Just Jenn yesterday.  She totally motivated my run this morning and I feel great!

My plan from yesterday worked!  I had my ass out of bed at 4 and ready to run by 4:10!  I literally had 2 seconds logged on the treadmill when Laney woke up.  I went, I fed her and oh so thankfully got her back to sleep by 4:30.

Since I knew the bottles and lunch were done I planned to run for 30 minutes.  I did a 3 minute warm up walk and bumped the pace up to 5mph.  It felt good to be moving.
Until about the 10 minute mark.  I was getting tired, a little winded and had that ache in my side.  I took a sip of water and said you can stop when you reach 3 miles or 30 minutes whichever comes first.
Over the next 10 minutes I got down on myself.  Why is this so hard?  Has my lack of exercise really done this much damage to my body?  I know I can do this!
When the 20 minute mark hit I felt like I was dying.  I wanted to stop.  I scolded myself: NO! You have to go at least another 5 minutes, then you can count the cool down as part of your 30 minutes. (In reality I haven't even run a full 20 minutes in probably 2 months).
The next 5 minutes I kept looking at my wedding picture (strategically placed next to the treadmill) and thinking, I've almost got you(only 7lbs away).  I'd look at the time and count down the minutes.
And when that clock hit 25:00 I said: You just did 5 minutes, you can do 5 more.  You aren't gonna puke or fall over, keep going...
And guess what?  I DID IT! And then continued with a 5 minute cool down.  I was actually surprised I didn't have runner's high, but I did and still do feel completely accomplished and proud of myself.  Especially after seeing this when logging in to Nike+ this morning...

That's right, I ran a 9:20 mile and finished a 5K in just over 31 minutes!  The last mile sucked, but it was still my fastest and my fastest EVER!  So once again Thank You Jenn!  

And after all that my my lame post about my First Skinny Jeans Ever seems kinda lame!

My legs still aren't perfect (I'll probably never think they are), but I have some confidence back!  The compliments on my outfit yesterday really helped.  I still have a little muffin top in these size 15s! But it won't be long and it will be gone.  I can't wait to take the next pic when they are baggy!

Maybe tomorrow I'll touch on the color of clothes...

PS - I pushed myself so much on my run this morning, the muscles in my arms and my abs were sore from keeping form!

Good Problems

Now there's an oxymoron if I've every heard one.

Since I'm nursing I wear a nursing tank pretty much every day.  Truth be told, I love my nursing tops.  No bra needed first of all, and second they help keep the belly/pant junction nice and smooth.  I like it better when it isn't smooth because the pants are too big, but either way I like to cover it with a nice fitting tank before I put my shirt on.

The problem? My nursing tanks aren't so form fitting any more :-(  As a matter of fact, some of them a slightly baggy!  And a lot of my other shirts are that way too now!  Yes I have T-shirts that fit, but finding a nice work outfit in my closet that isn't too tight or make me look like I'm wearing a sack is getting difficult.

It probably wouldn't be so difficult if I hadn't tried to stuff my over sized body into undersized clothes for a few years, but I did, cause really who wants to go buy BIGGER clothes?!

I now have a bunch of nice work pants thanks to my aunt who is a little ahead of me in the weight loss department, but no shirts.  And I really don't have the $$$ to go out and buy new shirts.  Truthfully I'm glad some of the healthy stuff isn't so expensive any more or I wouldn't have this problem cause I wouldn't be able to eat healthy.

I'm not going to complain because when I all of a sudden have a great new wardrobe, when I can fit into my (out of style) clothes from 5 years ago I'll be happy again (and starting a new fad with the "old" style).

Screw Motivation!

I haven't had motivation in a couple of weeks and it bothers me.  It's not that I'm not losing weight and its not that I don't want to do better, its just an emotional thing that I really can't put my finger on.  It's even been difficult for me to eat right for some reason.  Now when I don't feel I put forth enough effort or eat something I shouldn't have, I get upset with myself, I scold myself and tell myself I need to do better.

The problem is, what is done, is done.  There are very few days that I can get in some extra exercise because I didn't do enough in the morning.  And let's face it, I can't un-eat that slice of pizza.  *well I could, but that's gross and even more unhealthy*

My problem is that I can't seem to carry these feelings over to the next day.

This morning, after being down on myself for a few days (even upset yesterday because I was almost 1000 calories short - a whole other topic on why it's bad), and getting my first full nights sleep this week, I ran for 20 minutes!  While not as long as I'd like it to have been, I still need to push to improve, I'm so glad I did it, even though I wasn't feeling motivated.

When I woke up to my alarm this morning (and not a crying baby) I was shocked and only hit snooze once *anyone who has their alarm set for 3:30 am deserves at least 1 snooze*  I had a slight headache and wasn't sure I really wanted to run.  Right now while running on the treadmill I need something to distract me.  Without a destination I'm running to I find it difficult to keep up my energy and keep going.  I almost gave in and did a video, but a video isn't going to improve my running distance like I want to do.  So I told myself "suck it up and get your ass on the treadmill, you will be glad you did later."  I did my 5 minute warm up walk (which I'm proud to say is .5 mph faster than what it was when I started running 2 months ago) and then I kicked up the speed by a 1mph and ran.  After 5 minutes I just wanted it to be over, after 10 minutes and Smurfs ending *There isn't much but infomercials on at 4am* I decided that I just needed to break that sweat barrier and I'd be fine.  You know that point where go from being warm to dripping with sweat, I hate that transition for some reason*  After 15 minutes I said "Hell you can go another 5" and as each of those last 5 minutes passed I kept telling myself "you get to walk longer than you have left of running." (I do a 5 minute cool down) and for the last minute I decided I needed to push a little and bumped my speed up by a few tenths of a mile.

I didn't get the runner's high this morning, but I am happy that I ran and put forth much more effort than I have been.

Now I need to plan out the next two weeks that are going to be very busy with family gatherings, graduation parties, BBQs and camping!

Week 6

I am impressed with myself this week.  I'm down 4.2lbs this week!  I finally got over that 205 mark!!!

While I didn't actually try a new work out this weekend I am so happy to say that I did go for a run, a run outside!  We went to my mother's camp for the night and they just put side walks in around some of the side streets.  Well guess what, out the driveway to the right and follow the new side walks back is exactly 3 miles!  Guess what else, I ran THE WHOLE THING!  Yup, all besides about 30 seconds when I had a cramp in my side, but I quickly remembered a picture I saw that said "When I get a cramp I run faster so it will be over with sooner!"  So I picked the pace back up and got myself back!  I finished in about 30 minutes.  This really boosted my confidence for the 3.5 mi Chase Challenge that is coming up a week from today!

Also last week I worked out 6 days and included Strength training on 2 days!  I love feeling my muscles tone, even if you can't really see them yet!  In the last 3 weeks I've lost a total of  5.5 inches.  2.5 from my waist, from my hips 1, and 1 from each thigh.  Getting to put clothes in the too big for me bin is a great feeling!!!

All or Nothing

Although this is the normal thought for most "dieters" it is not a healthy though, mentally or physically.  It's hard to learn that though and even harder to re-wire the brain to not revert back to that mentality.  I'm working very hard on this.

I get frustrated when I can't find the exact food I ate, or know exactly how much I ate because the engineer in me tells me it has to be exact or the numbers mean nothing.  But in all reality, the numbers really do mean nothing!  It's about feeling healthy and having energy, not the number on the scale or even the tape measure!

This is not a race, there is no true finish line.  If you look for the finish line you will only fall back into the habits that made you run the race to begin with!

Magic Number

When I started this journey again I didn't think about much besides needing to exercise more and eating healthier choices.  I also know that if you eat less calories (500/day to lose 1lb a week) than what your body requires for your daily activity you will lose weight.

I had a membership with My Fitness Pal (MFP) before and I'd heard their phone app was really good so I decided to start there.  I got on the site, put in my numbers and wa-la I need to net 1640 calories a day to lose one pound a week.  That meant any exercising I did I could eat back those calories.  Great!

While looking at my progress page, you would think "looks perfect" considering any sort of water weight and such, but it doesn't tell the whole story.  I have been yo-yoing between 208 and 204 for over a week.  And while based on a weekly weigh in I'm losing the 1-2 lbs a week, the 4lb fluctuation bothers me.

Then I found a forum on MFP where a trainer was answering every one's questions for free.  I love free advise from a professional.  Over and over he mentioned your TEE (Total Energy Expenditure) and basing your calories off of that.  Then several people posted different links to figure out your TEE.  Well there is no such thing as an accurate calculation.  He also mentioned over and over that he starts women off on a net 1200 cal diet and increases or decreases based on how much they are losing.  Losing too fast he goes up 100 cal, too slow, go down 100 cal until you find a cal level where you are losing 1-2 lbs a week.  Since I didn't trust those calculators I decided to go with his theory.  Makes sense to me and I've definitely heard of women using it.  So, I reset my calorie goal on MFP and off we went.

When doing this, I didn't take into consideration that I'm breastfeed/nursing/lactating (however you are most comfortable hearing it).  To me that was just an added bonus (it burns calories).  Well when I went to express my milk on Monday I noticed it was significantly less that what I had been getting.  I didn't worry too much, I had been slacking on my water, figured I needed to kick it up a notch. When Tuesday rolled around and it seemed to me I was getting even less, I started to worry.  I started to think about all the things I've been doing and what could be causing it.  At first I instantly wanted to blame the sitter for over feeding her.  I mean I had just been with her for over 48 hours and fed her on demand and I had enough, why wasn't I pumping what she was eating at the sitter, obviously the sitter was over feeding her... Then reality set it, chances were she wasn't doing that, babies don't eat if they aren't hungry like adults do.  I thought some more and realized the only thing I have changed is my diet.  But if it was my diet then why didn't my supply lesson when I started this journey 3 weeks ago?  I pulled up good old google and searched for nursing and dieting.  Guess what, turns out every site recommends a nursing mother eat AT LEAST 1600-1800 calories a day.  There were days I was netting less than 900 just because I wasn't hungry.  Here I was eating 700 calories less than what my body needs just to function and make milk.  There were several sources that stated eating too few calories would effect your milk supply.

These sites also mentioned that you would not have the energy you need and be tired.  Got me thinking about the last few days I've had. Monday morning while I did great, got up and did my workout, once I got in the car to drive to work, I found myself barely able to hold my eyes open.  While I never felt lethargic and seemed to have energy as long as I was up and moving, the second I sat down, I was done.

I went searching again for my TEE I found numbers ranging from 1635 to 3094.  While I don't think I need 3000 calories I do think I need more than what I've been getting.  Self Nutrition Data's calculator actually took into account the fact that I'm nursing and recommends a net of almost 2600.  So I have decided to set a goal of 2000 and see what happens.  Hopefully my supply goes up and I can still lose some weight.  I will re-evaluate next week.

Pinched Nerve???

I'm pretty sure it's a pinched nerve.

The pain started out yesterday right about where the red circle is.  This morning when I stretched it started to feel better.  I decided to move on with my work out taking it easy on the shoulders.  It was a little sore when I finished, but nothing major.  I've had this pain before and what normally cures it is ignoring it and working through the ache.  Well after my shower it seemed to be getting worse and worse.  When I left for work I couldn't look down in the sitting position and some random movements would take my breath away.  Now, I've been at work for 5 hours and just about any movement makes me want to cry.  The pain is now in all these places...

 It hurts pretty much no matter how I move my arms or head.  Sitting and standing hurts and just about every step I take hurts.  I tried taking some motrin but it was no use.  I've also used my shock thing like what the chiropractor uses and it hasn't done any good either.  I really just want to go lay down and sleep it away!

Finding the Healthy Within

I chose the title Finding the Healthy Within because that’s my mission.  I know I have it in me to turn my life around and become the healthy person I want to be.  That’s half the battle right, wanting to be healthy.

Of course everyone wants to look good in a bathing suit and have abs to die for, but really there is more to it than that.  What I’m looking for…

• Playing with my little girls for as long as they want. Being able to run and jump and practice whatever sport they want is very important to me.
• Teach my girls how to eat right and in moderation so hopefully they never have weight problems.
• Feel good about the skin I’m in.  While this may not happen since I was blessed with my mother’s not even close to elastic skin, I want to be able to look at my naked body and not feel like crying.
• Mental health is high on my priority list and every step closer to being physically healthy is a giant gain in my mental health.
• Feel good about going shopping for clothes, I don’t want it to be a task I dread, I want to look forward to it and not come home depressed and empty handed.

I know that I have it in me to do this and I will do it!  I expect some set backs along the way, but what journey doesn’t have a few bends in the road and maybe even a detour.