Japanese Choclate

First off it's soooo yummy!

It really is smooth!

Individually wrapped

I really don't know which I like better!

And this is how close they leave it to my desk!

 I've done good, in the 5 days it's been here I've only had 6 pieces!

Go Me!

Yes I am proud of this picture. 6 months ago I would have eaten the whole damn thing and thought nothing of it.  But this is where I stopped this time! 

PS - about half a cup of rice went to my daughter and not in my mouth too!

Weekly Weigh In

I was right, today's weigh in sucked and it's my own damn fault.

185.0

I'm really disappointed with myself.  I could have done it this week and I should have!  If I had showed just a little self control on Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I would have had a decent loss of a pound I'm sure.  I really wanted to be out of the 180's by the end of this month, but it's not going to happen :-(  

I could probably come up with a million excuses, but I'm not going to because the simple truth is: If I had more self control on my food I wouldn't have had a problem.

I really need to work on not letting other's influence my eating.  And portion CONTROL!  I need to stop eating because it tastes good.  I need to only eat because I'm hungry.

This is one of those times where I would normally eat my disappointment, which would lead me to being depressed cause I did that, and the depression would lead to more eating which leads to less exercise and then I'd give up.

NOT THIS TIME.  I CAN'T.  I WON'T!  I'm only 10lbs away from what I was on my wedding day and I WANT IT!  I WILL HAVE IT!

I CAN DO THIS!

Have I convinced you yet?  I'm really trying to psych myself up here. 

Eat Healthy, Get Fit, Sleep, Repeat

Pinspired Dinner

The Pin

Buffalo Chicken Casserole

My Creation

I made this meal a 6 serving dish and each serving only had 314 calories and plenty of flavor!

You can find the full recipe here

I liked that the chicken isn't pre-cooked and prep was minimal besides grating the potatoes.

The only thing I might change next time is using noodles instead of potatoes, or maybe pre-cooking the potatoes some.

If you'd like to follow my me on Pinterest, you can find me here.

Parfaits

Seems all my blogging is about food today!

I might be just a little a lot obsessed.

It all started one day when I forgot to bring a snack to work.  I went down to the cafeteria and there was the greatest looking strawberry and yogurt parfait, with the granola in a separate container on the top!  It was D-Lish-US!

So I had them several days and then realized they were most likely using regular yogurt, not non-fat and I had no idea how many calories the granola had.  Then I remember I had some granola I bought a while back and decided to make my own.  O.M.G.

1 cup Strawberries, sliced
3/4 Cup Fit & Active Vanilla Yogurt
1/4 Cup Bear Naked Vanilla Almond Granola

278 calories!  And so filling!

I ran out of granola and went to buy more and guess what!  There are a million kinds out there.  I got the Peanut Butter and the Pumpkin kinds because my new favorite parfait is banana!

The banana with the peanut better is A-MAZE-ING!

Maybe this weekend I can get out the ingredient to that one and give the calories and such. (see I've been bad about logging them)  I'm pretty sure it's right around 300 though, the perfect breakfast!  It's also helping me get my dairy in without so much cheese, I <3 cheese.

Tomorrow is weigh in day...

Well, Almost

Dinner:

I had two plates of salad that looked like this (only 1.5 bread sticks) and I caved and had a piece of pizza, it was a small pie so I'm estimating the slice was maybe 300 calories.  Since before dinner I had only consumed about 800 calories I don't feel all that bad about the pizza.

Post Workout:

I can't even tell you how many times I had already wiped my face.  I don't know if I pushed myself hard enough with in the arms, but my quads are feeling it and my back.  I hate that it's other parts of my body that give out before the abs do in the abs parts.  Like the leg crosses kill my quads, not my abs.

And here I am looking all good today.  Ok, not one of my favorite outfits, but I'm happy to say that the pants are a size 16 and start falling down when I walk!!! (I started this journey in a rather tight size 20!

PS I love long skinny mirrors!  But I'm starting to not hate my big wide mirror in the bathroom so much. (who puts a huge wide mirror right on the wall next to the shower so you can look at your gross naked body EVERY time you get in?  I certainly didn't put it there, but I did leave it.)

Fighting Back!

This morning I was going to write about my emotional eating, how I hate it and how I’ve been spiraling out of control.  But then I read this Post on Spoken Dreams of a Realist and decided I want to talk more about fighting back.

If I am honest and think about all the times I gave up before I can probably pin point one stressful thing that caused me to eat horrible, and then I got down on myself for eating horrible, then the scale showed it and then I gave up.

I refuse to give up this time.  Right now I’m very frustrated.  I’m mad at myself for making excuses this weekend not to work out.  I’m mad at myself for not getting my ass outta bed yesterday to do it.  And I’m mad at myself because I feel like I had a major lack of effort when I did work out this morning.

Let’s not even talk about the train wreck that was my eating yesterday.  I had a big juicy mushroom burger for lunch and then pizza and wings for dinner.  I don’t even want to say how many pieces of pizza I ate!

I know what triggered my eating yesterday and when I ordered my lunch I even said to my sister “I should be getting the salad, but I really want this…” and when B suggested picking up dinner I said “how about pizza, I feel like eating my emotions tonight.”

Now that I know I try to eat my emotions away, I get more upset at myself for not fighting the urge.  I obviously knew very well last night that I was totally stressed and overwhelmed and eating horribly because of it and I did it anyway.  The healthy girl inside really wants to punch myself in the stomach and say “This does less harm to your body than that shit you stuffing your face with!”

I am going to fight back!  I’m going to let the healthy girl inside punch me!  I’m going to listen to her!  I'm going to feel excited about having the chance to lose this week and fight the urge to say "well what's the point, I already ruined this week."  You know what, every time you eat, it's a new start, not just every morning or every Monday!

Since my MIL just informed me she is ordering pizza for dinner tonight (gee thanks) I’m going to ask her to get me a salad.  I am NOT going to eat pizza!  I am going to take a picture of my salad and post it!  I am not going to give in!!!  I CAN do this!

I am also going to bust my ass tomorrow morning!  I’m going to work for the 30DS results I want!

Failure and Success

Lunch was a complete fail yesterday!  All the way there I was thinking how I was going to be good, I was going to be able report back that I did it, I got the wrap and be happy with myself.  Well then I got there and the noticed the special on the sign said Mushroom Guada Burger.  I said "Nope" to myself and walked in.  Then my boss hands me the list of specials and I for some reason read the burger one.  It had all my favorites on it!  Bacon, mushrooms, cheese.  It was also cheaper than the wrap and right now $ is tight, cheaper is better.  I caved... to the tune of about 2000 calories once you get the home made chips in there :-(  It was good though, just don't really think it was worth it.

On the success side, I finished Level 2 of 30 Day Shred today!  I'm not sure I'm totally ready to move on since I still have a little trouble keeping up, but I'm going to give it a shot, it's how we push ourselves right.
According to my measurements this morning Level 2 got rid of 4.75 inches! For a total of 7.25 inches. I'm not so sure how accurate those numbers are though for 2 reasons.

1. My beginning and Level 1 measurements were taken in the evening and after noon, not first thing in the morning.  (I may possibly be more bloated adding inches in the evening?)
2. My 3 year old has hidden my measuring tape on me and I had to use ribbon and metal measuring tape for measurements this morning.

Either way, I know I've lost something and I'm still feeling good about it.  I think I've decided to try a Couch to 10k program.  

Feeling Good

I’m feeling good about myself today.  I’m not really sure why, but I have a positive attitude this morning.  I’m obviously not focusing it towards my work like I should be, but eh.

I was exhausted when I got up this morning and really had to push myself to work out, but I did it and I feel better.  I can’t believe today was Day 9 of Level 2!  I’m a little nervous about moving on to Level 3 because at time I still can’t keep pace with Level 2.  I do all the exercises, but not at the same pace.  I almost thought about moving up in weights this morning because with the hammer kicks and some of the rows I don’t feel like I’m getting much resistance on those muscles, but damn do my shoulders still throb by the time she says it’s time for the last minute of abs!

This is one of my favorite outfits right now (minus the shoes, we have a closed toe policy at work).  Unfortunately after only 2 hours of wear, the pants are starting to fall off!  Basically when I put them on they just rest on my hips so by the time I bend and sit a little, they are stretched too much to stay up.  Not that I’m complaining, but part of what I was talking about yesterday, they just started fitting me 3 weeks ago, max!

I’m a little nervous about this week’s weigh in.  While I’m back to wear I was Friday after a Sunday of practically no water, I have a work lunch today.  My plan is to order the Chicken Bella.  It’s a wrap with chicken, baby portabella mushrooms, onions, lettuce, tomato and balsamic dressing.  It comes with a side of home made chips (my favorite!)  What I really want is all one of the following, mild garlic chicken wings, chicken quesadilla, big mouth burger smothered in cheese and bacon, garlic cheese bread.

Please give me the strength to only order the wrap!!!

A Good Start

Nope, not really.

Sunday was supposed to be my first day of Level 2 on 30DS.  Well I had a little too much fun Saturday night.  I honestly can't remember the last time I drank like that.  I'm pretty sure I was still drunk Sunday morning when we got up and went to breakfast.  We got the girls from my MIL's and then we spent half the afternoon in my room watching Shrek over and over (yay 3 year olds).  Then we went and picked up stuff for spaghetti and had a wonderful dinner with my sister.  After getting home after 8pm I was not about to do day one of level 2 and then get up at 4am and do it again.

So 4am Monday morning rolls around and guess who wakes up, the baby.  I tried, I fed her, I put her in her swing and I started, she let me get through circuit 1 before she had had enough.  I tried to figure something out, but she just wasn't having it.  Before I knew it I had to get in the shower and there went my work out.

I tried to be good eating cause I was pretty sure that I wasn't getting work out in.  Thank god I ate well at work cause dinner was a 3 Meat Pizza and bread sticks.  And since I felt like I'd been starving all day (and I resisted the urge to stuff my face), I had 3 *gasp* slices of pizza and 2 of the smallest bread sticks.  Yeah, holy face stuffing at dinner.  At 6 though I had convinced my 3 year old to sit in the over sized rocking chair with her sister and watch me work out.  I even put my work out clothes on!  The second I set the baby down she started screaming and for the next hour I had to walk her around the house to keep her quiet.  I'm still not sure if it was gas or teeth, but hey the walking got me sweating a little so I guess its better than nothing.

On the plus side, I logged all my food and I was just within my calorie goal!

Today Jillian kicked my ass on Day 1 of Level 2, but in the next 10 days I will own that shit!

300 Calorie Dinner

That's right, this dinner was only 300 calories and I was full after eating it!

Grilled Chicken Caprese with Balsamic Sauce and Green Giant Basil Vegetable Medely
And as always accompanied by a nice tall glass of water.

The Grilled Chicken Caprese recipe can be found here.  I used 2lbs of chicken which was 3 large breasts that I cut in half the long way.  I also doubled the sauce because I'm a balsamic whore.  LOVE IT!!!  I used approximately 1oz of cheese per piece of chicken.It was delish!  

And bonus for lunch today I have chicken that has been soaking in balsamic glaze to put on my salad today!  Skipping the tomato and cheese makes my 3 oz of chicken for my salad only 100 calories, add 2 cups of lettuce, some onion, tomato and a serving of Simply Delicious Balsamic dressing and you have a nice 270 calorie lunch! (it would be less if I didn't eat the entire package of cherry tomatoes!)  Oh and look there's that water again, this time flavored with Black Cherry Mio.  I love that stuff!!!

Weekends

I find weekends to be extremely difficult on my healthy life style.  Mainly, because I like to have fun.  Ok, I'm not saying you can't have fun without drinking, I'm just saying, I like to drink!  And most times, this drinking occurs at BBQs.  And on top of drinking, I like to eat!.

My problem is that even without drinking and eating badly, I don't drink enough water on the weekends.  I'm not really sure why, it just happens that way.

How do you handle your weekends?  What keeps you on track?

I was proud of myself this weekend for opting for the beer even though what I really wanted was a daiquiri or something.

Weekends

Why do I get “unmotivated” on the weekends?  I don’t really know if it’s unmotivated, but I don’t bother tracking things and I tend to let time slip away and run out of time for a good work out.  It bothers me!  I don’t tend to track my food, but I try to make some what healthy decisions.  And it kills me on the weekend when I do have time to look at my motivational pictures and have time to try some of the new work outs I’ve found, I don’t.  Why don’t I?  

I've also noticed that I don't drink nearly enough water on the weekends, or enough fluid at all for that matter.

My goal for next weekend it to try at least one new work out and track my food for at least one day!

Why Did I Do That???

This is a post that was on MFP today that was a great reminder.


"HOLY ****! I'VE EATEN SO MUCH! IM GOING TO BE OBESE" 
I bet you're thinking that. I know I have. But I read this and it put my mind at rest. 

"Ok. 

Stop. 

Take a deep breath and put your thinking cap on. 

I’m going to hit you with some wisdom, ok? 

Take your weight loss calorie goal, and just toss that number out the window. We’re not going to talk about that right now. We’re going to talk about that minor (or major) freak out we sometimes have when we’re having a really good week, eating really well, then we lose our damn minds and stuff our faces with delicious delicious junk food. 

2000 calories is about what your body needs to maintain your weight and keep all your organs doing all those lovely keeping you alive things that they do. Your body burns all those calories at rest. That means that while you’re sitting on your ass, walking to the fridge and back, scrolling through tumblr, etc etc.. your body is making you breathe and make new cells and **** and burns those 2000 calories. 

To gain a single pound, you’d have to eat another 3500 calories on top of those 2000. Thats 5500 calories. 5500 calories is a ****ing lot of calories, okay? 

Lets take a look at what 5500 calories looks like. 

One slice of a large pepperoni pizza from pizza hut is 330 calories. You’d have to eat a little over 2 entire large pepperoni pizzas to hit 5500 calories. 
One crunchy taco from taco bell is 170 calories. To eat 5500 calories, you’d have to eat 32 tacos. 
One double cheeseburger from mcdonalds is 440 calories. 12 of those is 5500 calories. 
21 cheetos are 160 calories. 714 cheetos are 5500 calories. 
Was whatever junk you ate probably a bad choice health-wise? Probably. 

Did you ruin all your progress? No. 

Did you even eat enough to gain an entire whole pound? Nooope. 

Are you going to survive, drink some water, go for a walk or run in the morning, and forgive yourself? Yep. You are. 

Know why? 

Cause **** happens. 

But we move on, and we stay determined. 

Stop freaking out. Forgive yourself." 

Struggles

Right now I'm struggling with my calories "goals".

My mind has always been programmed to "beat" my calorie goal, as in eat less than that goal.  Right now though, my goal is to eat as close to the "goal" as possible.  Why is it so hard to get out of the "diet" mindset and into the "healthy living" mind set.

I am also finding it difficult to actually try and meet my higher calorie goal and eat healthy.  It seems that most of the healthier stuff I like, isn't adding up to much in the calorie department.  I really need to work on this and maybe eat more fruit?

Week 4

This has been a very difficult week for me.  It started off feeling sluggish with having to take time off of exercising because of the pinched nerve, then the realization that I wasn't eating enough calories to keep up my milk supply, then a plugged milk duct that prevented me yet again from exercising because it hurt all the way up into my arm pit just sitting there.  I won't even mention the pain of moving my arm around (an of course this was the same side I had the pinched nerve on!

I feel that weight loss is a learning and "growing" process though.  Through this week I've found that I have a hard time tracking my food in take when I feel that I'm eating too much.  Which, considering the long holiday weekend and alcohol consumption I don't think I did bad at all.  I'm pretty sure that my .4lb weight gain can be attributed to my lack of water over the last 3 days and the extra milk I had when I weighed myself this morning (baby girl slept through the night!!!)

I also realized though, that when I don't track what I eat I basically don't watch what I eat.  It's like I'm all or nothing and that is the WRONG way to be!  Giving just a little is better than giving nothing at all!

So to start this week, rather than staying in bed, where I wanted because I was sleeping well and it was already 80* at 3:45 AM!  I told myself I had to do some sort of exercise.  I debated on what TurboJam video to do cause you know the Ab Jam is way easier and shorter that a Cardio Party, but I decided I needed to sweat and I put Cardio Party 1 in with the thoughts of doing as much as possible.  While I was a little sluggish at times I was very surprised, and happy I finished the whole 40 minutes!!!  I was soaked and it felt great!

Here's to a nice healthy week with lots of exercise!

Magic Number

When I started this journey again I didn't think about much besides needing to exercise more and eating healthier choices.  I also know that if you eat less calories (500/day to lose 1lb a week) than what your body requires for your daily activity you will lose weight.

I had a membership with My Fitness Pal (MFP) before and I'd heard their phone app was really good so I decided to start there.  I got on the site, put in my numbers and wa-la I need to net 1640 calories a day to lose one pound a week.  That meant any exercising I did I could eat back those calories.  Great!

While looking at my progress page, you would think "looks perfect" considering any sort of water weight and such, but it doesn't tell the whole story.  I have been yo-yoing between 208 and 204 for over a week.  And while based on a weekly weigh in I'm losing the 1-2 lbs a week, the 4lb fluctuation bothers me.

Then I found a forum on MFP where a trainer was answering every one's questions for free.  I love free advise from a professional.  Over and over he mentioned your TEE (Total Energy Expenditure) and basing your calories off of that.  Then several people posted different links to figure out your TEE.  Well there is no such thing as an accurate calculation.  He also mentioned over and over that he starts women off on a net 1200 cal diet and increases or decreases based on how much they are losing.  Losing too fast he goes up 100 cal, too slow, go down 100 cal until you find a cal level where you are losing 1-2 lbs a week.  Since I didn't trust those calculators I decided to go with his theory.  Makes sense to me and I've definitely heard of women using it.  So, I reset my calorie goal on MFP and off we went.

When doing this, I didn't take into consideration that I'm breastfeed/nursing/lactating (however you are most comfortable hearing it).  To me that was just an added bonus (it burns calories).  Well when I went to express my milk on Monday I noticed it was significantly less that what I had been getting.  I didn't worry too much, I had been slacking on my water, figured I needed to kick it up a notch. When Tuesday rolled around and it seemed to me I was getting even less, I started to worry.  I started to think about all the things I've been doing and what could be causing it.  At first I instantly wanted to blame the sitter for over feeding her.  I mean I had just been with her for over 48 hours and fed her on demand and I had enough, why wasn't I pumping what she was eating at the sitter, obviously the sitter was over feeding her... Then reality set it, chances were she wasn't doing that, babies don't eat if they aren't hungry like adults do.  I thought some more and realized the only thing I have changed is my diet.  But if it was my diet then why didn't my supply lesson when I started this journey 3 weeks ago?  I pulled up good old google and searched for nursing and dieting.  Guess what, turns out every site recommends a nursing mother eat AT LEAST 1600-1800 calories a day.  There were days I was netting less than 900 just because I wasn't hungry.  Here I was eating 700 calories less than what my body needs just to function and make milk.  There were several sources that stated eating too few calories would effect your milk supply.

These sites also mentioned that you would not have the energy you need and be tired.  Got me thinking about the last few days I've had. Monday morning while I did great, got up and did my workout, once I got in the car to drive to work, I found myself barely able to hold my eyes open.  While I never felt lethargic and seemed to have energy as long as I was up and moving, the second I sat down, I was done.

I went searching again for my TEE I found numbers ranging from 1635 to 3094.  While I don't think I need 3000 calories I do think I need more than what I've been getting.  Self Nutrition Data's calculator actually took into account the fact that I'm nursing and recommends a net of almost 2600.  So I have decided to set a goal of 2000 and see what happens.  Hopefully my supply goes up and I can still lose some weight.  I will re-evaluate next week.

Reflecting On the First Week

After my first full week (Monday through Sunday) I'm very Proud of myself!  I ate healthy all week!  We didn't have any take out during the week!  I was under my calorie goal all but the first day!!!

There were very few times this week that I felt hungry and when I did I would take note so that the next day I could have a more filling meal to prevent it.  Every night when I completed my entry for the day I was so proud.  I think my husband is about sick of hearing "I was under on calories again today!" and "It feels so good to know I'm being healthy!"

Saturday was my sister's college graduation.  I knew we were going to my favorite Japanese steak house for dinner so I got my butt on the treadmill.  I went 2.9 miles and burned 479 calories.  I'm pretty sure that didn't cover everything I ate, but it was better than nothing!  I also only ate half the meal.  I also love that the meal consists of a lot of vegetables.  The mixed veggies are zucchini, onions and broccoli and each entree is half mushrooms!  Plus you get bean sprouts.  I did splurge and have two beers though.

Then yesterday, on Mother's Day I relaxed on my strictness.  After all, I was REALLY good all week and I am a mother twice over now.  I had 2 glasses of wine, a Diet Coke (I rarely drink soda) just enough lasagna to no longer feel hungry and 1.5 pieces of cheese cake.  For me this was pretty good.  I normally eat so much lasagna that I don't want to move and the cheese cake was a surprise.  I do wish I had drank more water though.  When we are out and about is when I'm the worst about it and all weekend we were out and about.  Hopefully getting re-hydrated today will still help me see a good number tomorrow.

My Methods

In the past I have used:

• Nutrisystem
• Turbo Jam
• HCG
• Weight Watchers

All of which I have had some success with.

Nutrisystem – I didn’t find the food appealing, it really looks nothing like what they show on TV and coming up with my vegetables to make all the time was hard.

Turbo Jam – Very effective especially when you follow the jump start diet.  My problem was I didn’t like most of the food in the recipes.  I still use the work outs frequently though.

HCG – Had great results but not really family friendly.  My husband liked the food, but watching others eat foods I craved was hard.

Weight Watcher – I did the online version and it helped, it was finding the time to track all my food I found difficult.

This time I started the C25K program several weeks before I even decided on a change in life style.  I started C25K at 2 weeks post partum and I have stuck with it!  I realized a few weeks ago that I needed more though.  I started trying to watch what I was eating, but it wasn’t working.  I was over eating and I knew it.  Last week on May 2, 2012 I started using My Fitness Pal (MFP).  I had an account from using it before, but the new phone app is awesome and makes tracking food much easier with the barcode scan function.  I no longer have to spend 5 minutes searching for one food.  This time I have also gotten onto the site and reached out to fellow members for support. 

Things that are working for me right now:

• Planning out my food the day before and entering it into MFP.  This way I can use the bar codes and it saves me time.
• Preparing my food the night before (except for dinner) and getting it ready to put in my work bag. – This eliminates not having enough time to figure out what to take in the morning and how many calories it’s all going to be.  It also allows me to measure out the proper portion size so I’m not guessing.
• Eating several small things throughout the day.  Eating at 2 hour intervals seems to be keeping me from getting hungry and I’ve heard it helps boost your metabolism.  
• Breaking my lunch into 2 sections.  I eat half of my sandwich and then about an hour later I’ll eat the other half.  
• Really thinking about if the calories I’m eating are worth it.  I removed 16oz worth of coffee in the morning and replaced it with water because the coffee (with milk and sugar), just wasn’t worth it, and now I benefit from always getting my 64oz of water in if not more.
• C25K!  I love the feeling of pride I have after pushing myself to finish a run.  Today I finished week 7 of the program.  Once I finish the 9 week program my goal is to increase my speed.  Right now I’m only going about 2 miles in 25 minutes.
• Nike+ - Using the sports band and being able to visually see my runs and set goals gives me a great feeling of accomplishment.
• Doing Strength training on my non-running days.  I still do my Turbo Jam videos because they really are effective.

I hope in times when I’m struggling I can come back and look at this list and get back on track.

Finding the Healthy Within

I chose the title Finding the Healthy Within because that’s my mission.  I know I have it in me to turn my life around and become the healthy person I want to be.  That’s half the battle right, wanting to be healthy.

Of course everyone wants to look good in a bathing suit and have abs to die for, but really there is more to it than that.  What I’m looking for…

• Playing with my little girls for as long as they want. Being able to run and jump and practice whatever sport they want is very important to me.
• Teach my girls how to eat right and in moderation so hopefully they never have weight problems.
• Feel good about the skin I’m in.  While this may not happen since I was blessed with my mother’s not even close to elastic skin, I want to be able to look at my naked body and not feel like crying.
• Mental health is high on my priority list and every step closer to being physically healthy is a giant gain in my mental health.
• Feel good about going shopping for clothes, I don’t want it to be a task I dread, I want to look forward to it and not come home depressed and empty handed.

I know that I have it in me to do this and I will do it!  I expect some set backs along the way, but what journey doesn’t have a few bends in the road and maybe even a detour.