Why Did I Do That???

This is a post that was on MFP today that was a great reminder.


"HOLY ****! I'VE EATEN SO MUCH! IM GOING TO BE OBESE" 
I bet you're thinking that. I know I have. But I read this and it put my mind at rest. 

"Ok. 

Stop. 

Take a deep breath and put your thinking cap on. 

I’m going to hit you with some wisdom, ok? 

Take your weight loss calorie goal, and just toss that number out the window. We’re not going to talk about that right now. We’re going to talk about that minor (or major) freak out we sometimes have when we’re having a really good week, eating really well, then we lose our damn minds and stuff our faces with delicious delicious junk food. 

2000 calories is about what your body needs to maintain your weight and keep all your organs doing all those lovely keeping you alive things that they do. Your body burns all those calories at rest. That means that while you’re sitting on your ass, walking to the fridge and back, scrolling through tumblr, etc etc.. your body is making you breathe and make new cells and **** and burns those 2000 calories. 

To gain a single pound, you’d have to eat another 3500 calories on top of those 2000. Thats 5500 calories. 5500 calories is a ****ing lot of calories, okay? 

Lets take a look at what 5500 calories looks like. 

One slice of a large pepperoni pizza from pizza hut is 330 calories. You’d have to eat a little over 2 entire large pepperoni pizzas to hit 5500 calories. 
One crunchy taco from taco bell is 170 calories. To eat 5500 calories, you’d have to eat 32 tacos. 
One double cheeseburger from mcdonalds is 440 calories. 12 of those is 5500 calories. 
21 cheetos are 160 calories. 714 cheetos are 5500 calories. 
Was whatever junk you ate probably a bad choice health-wise? Probably. 

Did you ruin all your progress? No. 

Did you even eat enough to gain an entire whole pound? Nooope. 

Are you going to survive, drink some water, go for a walk or run in the morning, and forgive yourself? Yep. You are. 

Know why? 

Cause **** happens. 

But we move on, and we stay determined. 

Stop freaking out. Forgive yourself." 

Struggles

Right now I'm struggling with my calories "goals".

My mind has always been programmed to "beat" my calorie goal, as in eat less than that goal.  Right now though, my goal is to eat as close to the "goal" as possible.  Why is it so hard to get out of the "diet" mindset and into the "healthy living" mind set.

I am also finding it difficult to actually try and meet my higher calorie goal and eat healthy.  It seems that most of the healthier stuff I like, isn't adding up to much in the calorie department.  I really need to work on this and maybe eat more fruit?

All or Nothing

Although this is the normal thought for most "dieters" it is not a healthy though, mentally or physically.  It's hard to learn that though and even harder to re-wire the brain to not revert back to that mentality.  I'm working very hard on this.

I get frustrated when I can't find the exact food I ate, or know exactly how much I ate because the engineer in me tells me it has to be exact or the numbers mean nothing.  But in all reality, the numbers really do mean nothing!  It's about feeling healthy and having energy, not the number on the scale or even the tape measure!

This is not a race, there is no true finish line.  If you look for the finish line you will only fall back into the habits that made you run the race to begin with!

Week 4

This has been a very difficult week for me.  It started off feeling sluggish with having to take time off of exercising because of the pinched nerve, then the realization that I wasn't eating enough calories to keep up my milk supply, then a plugged milk duct that prevented me yet again from exercising because it hurt all the way up into my arm pit just sitting there.  I won't even mention the pain of moving my arm around (an of course this was the same side I had the pinched nerve on!

I feel that weight loss is a learning and "growing" process though.  Through this week I've found that I have a hard time tracking my food in take when I feel that I'm eating too much.  Which, considering the long holiday weekend and alcohol consumption I don't think I did bad at all.  I'm pretty sure that my .4lb weight gain can be attributed to my lack of water over the last 3 days and the extra milk I had when I weighed myself this morning (baby girl slept through the night!!!)

I also realized though, that when I don't track what I eat I basically don't watch what I eat.  It's like I'm all or nothing and that is the WRONG way to be!  Giving just a little is better than giving nothing at all!

So to start this week, rather than staying in bed, where I wanted because I was sleeping well and it was already 80* at 3:45 AM!  I told myself I had to do some sort of exercise.  I debated on what TurboJam video to do cause you know the Ab Jam is way easier and shorter that a Cardio Party, but I decided I needed to sweat and I put Cardio Party 1 in with the thoughts of doing as much as possible.  While I was a little sluggish at times I was very surprised, and happy I finished the whole 40 minutes!!!  I was soaked and it felt great!

Here's to a nice healthy week with lots of exercise!

Magic Number

When I started this journey again I didn't think about much besides needing to exercise more and eating healthier choices.  I also know that if you eat less calories (500/day to lose 1lb a week) than what your body requires for your daily activity you will lose weight.

I had a membership with My Fitness Pal (MFP) before and I'd heard their phone app was really good so I decided to start there.  I got on the site, put in my numbers and wa-la I need to net 1640 calories a day to lose one pound a week.  That meant any exercising I did I could eat back those calories.  Great!

While looking at my progress page, you would think "looks perfect" considering any sort of water weight and such, but it doesn't tell the whole story.  I have been yo-yoing between 208 and 204 for over a week.  And while based on a weekly weigh in I'm losing the 1-2 lbs a week, the 4lb fluctuation bothers me.

Then I found a forum on MFP where a trainer was answering every one's questions for free.  I love free advise from a professional.  Over and over he mentioned your TEE (Total Energy Expenditure) and basing your calories off of that.  Then several people posted different links to figure out your TEE.  Well there is no such thing as an accurate calculation.  He also mentioned over and over that he starts women off on a net 1200 cal diet and increases or decreases based on how much they are losing.  Losing too fast he goes up 100 cal, too slow, go down 100 cal until you find a cal level where you are losing 1-2 lbs a week.  Since I didn't trust those calculators I decided to go with his theory.  Makes sense to me and I've definitely heard of women using it.  So, I reset my calorie goal on MFP and off we went.

When doing this, I didn't take into consideration that I'm breastfeed/nursing/lactating (however you are most comfortable hearing it).  To me that was just an added bonus (it burns calories).  Well when I went to express my milk on Monday I noticed it was significantly less that what I had been getting.  I didn't worry too much, I had been slacking on my water, figured I needed to kick it up a notch. When Tuesday rolled around and it seemed to me I was getting even less, I started to worry.  I started to think about all the things I've been doing and what could be causing it.  At first I instantly wanted to blame the sitter for over feeding her.  I mean I had just been with her for over 48 hours and fed her on demand and I had enough, why wasn't I pumping what she was eating at the sitter, obviously the sitter was over feeding her... Then reality set it, chances were she wasn't doing that, babies don't eat if they aren't hungry like adults do.  I thought some more and realized the only thing I have changed is my diet.  But if it was my diet then why didn't my supply lesson when I started this journey 3 weeks ago?  I pulled up good old google and searched for nursing and dieting.  Guess what, turns out every site recommends a nursing mother eat AT LEAST 1600-1800 calories a day.  There were days I was netting less than 900 just because I wasn't hungry.  Here I was eating 700 calories less than what my body needs just to function and make milk.  There were several sources that stated eating too few calories would effect your milk supply.

These sites also mentioned that you would not have the energy you need and be tired.  Got me thinking about the last few days I've had. Monday morning while I did great, got up and did my workout, once I got in the car to drive to work, I found myself barely able to hold my eyes open.  While I never felt lethargic and seemed to have energy as long as I was up and moving, the second I sat down, I was done.

I went searching again for my TEE I found numbers ranging from 1635 to 3094.  While I don't think I need 3000 calories I do think I need more than what I've been getting.  Self Nutrition Data's calculator actually took into account the fact that I'm nursing and recommends a net of almost 2600.  So I have decided to set a goal of 2000 and see what happens.  Hopefully my supply goes up and I can still lose some weight.  I will re-evaluate next week.

Week 3

It's been an up and down week.  I was very frustrated with my lack of activity due to the pinched nerve, but I feel that I did pretty well balancing it out with my eating to still lose 1.8lbs.  Hopefully this week will be better!

Yesterday I did cardio and today I did abs.  I really want to get back into running, but with Lillian having gymnastics tonight it's usually straight home, dinner, tub and bed.  That leaves no time to re-adjust the belt on the treadmill.  If only I lived somewhere it was reasonable to run outside.

I also realized that I haven't been doing so well with my eating every few hours.  Starting today I'm going to do that again!

I'm debating on buying a heart rate monitor.  I really wanted the Nike+ Fuel Band because it tracks all the activity you do in a day, but I have a feeling a heart rate monitor will give me a more accurate reading on how much I'm truly burning when I exercise.  If anyone has some advice on either I'd love to hear it!

On the Mend

Thursday after posting about my pinched nerve, it got pretty bad.  I could barely move my arms without being in pain.  Around 2 I decided to leave work before I couldn't drive myself home.  I tried heat, I tried ice and I tried Motrin.  The only thing that helped even a little was the heat, but once I had to move again, my bliss was gone.  The night was horrible trying to get comfortable.  Friday morning when my alarm went off I painfully got myself into a sitting position, then put my feet on the floor, problem was, I couldn't stand up from there.  I said the hell with it and crawled right back in bed.

All day Friday I tried different things.  I would get myself in an ok position, but then when it was time to move I would be sore again.  It didn't matter if I sat up or laid down or even stood up, if I could stay still I was ok.  Finally I decided to lay down with the heating pad again and ended up taking a 4 hour nap!!!  To my surprise I woke up in a little less pain.  I loved that I was at least able to sit with my family and have dinner.  By the time I went back to bed though I was once again in some serious pain.

Saturday morning I woke up in no quite so much pain, but my muscles were sore and my nerve was definitely still pinched.  After trying to just deal with it I decided I didn't want to spend the whole weekend inside so I took a large dose of ibuprofen.  Within a half hour I was able to function some what normally although certain movements still made the nerve hurt.  I stuck with taking the pain med through the day and even had to take one in the night, but I woke up Sunday morning feeling much less pain.  I took another dose around 7am and that was that.  All of a sudden there was no more pinched nerve and I could move normally again.

This morning I got up and was able to complete my workout without any pain.  Only thing left lingering is a little stiffness between my shoulder blades that I have been slowly stretching all day.  Hopefully tomorrow I will be 100%.  Plus it's weigh in day, not sure how I feel about that with my lack of exercise this week.  I tried really hard to watch my calories in it's absence.  

Pinched Nerve???

I'm pretty sure it's a pinched nerve.

The pain started out yesterday right about where the red circle is.  This morning when I stretched it started to feel better.  I decided to move on with my work out taking it easy on the shoulders.  It was a little sore when I finished, but nothing major.  I've had this pain before and what normally cures it is ignoring it and working through the ache.  Well after my shower it seemed to be getting worse and worse.  When I left for work I couldn't look down in the sitting position and some random movements would take my breath away.  Now, I've been at work for 5 hours and just about any movement makes me want to cry.  The pain is now in all these places...

 It hurts pretty much no matter how I move my arms or head.  Sitting and standing hurts and just about every step I take hurts.  I tried taking some motrin but it was no use.  I've also used my shock thing like what the chiropractor uses and it hasn't done any good either.  I really just want to go lay down and sleep it away!

Excuses

We all have them.  The problem is that they are just that, excuses, not legitimate reasons.

I am a little upset with myself this morning for not forcing myself to get out of bed.  The baby was up several times in the night with an upset stomach and then she woke up to eat at 3am.  When the alarm went off at 3:30 I felt exhausted.  To top it off the muscles in my back between my lower shoulder blades were sore (and still are).  But looking back now, these are all just excuses.  I did get up at 4 and track my food for the entire though.  As long as I stay on track I will still have 140 calories left.  I much prefer having exercise calories to work with though!

Maybe I can work in a "run" this evening.  The belt on my treadmill is loose and slipping so I can't run on it.  This is frustrating because now I'm 2 runs behind on finishing the c25k program and I have 3.5 mile race in 33 days!  I really need to get that fixed!

Reflecting On the First Week

After my first full week (Monday through Sunday) I'm very Proud of myself!  I ate healthy all week!  We didn't have any take out during the week!  I was under my calorie goal all but the first day!!!

There were very few times this week that I felt hungry and when I did I would take note so that the next day I could have a more filling meal to prevent it.  Every night when I completed my entry for the day I was so proud.  I think my husband is about sick of hearing "I was under on calories again today!" and "It feels so good to know I'm being healthy!"

Saturday was my sister's college graduation.  I knew we were going to my favorite Japanese steak house for dinner so I got my butt on the treadmill.  I went 2.9 miles and burned 479 calories.  I'm pretty sure that didn't cover everything I ate, but it was better than nothing!  I also only ate half the meal.  I also love that the meal consists of a lot of vegetables.  The mixed veggies are zucchini, onions and broccoli and each entree is half mushrooms!  Plus you get bean sprouts.  I did splurge and have two beers though.

Then yesterday, on Mother's Day I relaxed on my strictness.  After all, I was REALLY good all week and I am a mother twice over now.  I had 2 glasses of wine, a Diet Coke (I rarely drink soda) just enough lasagna to no longer feel hungry and 1.5 pieces of cheese cake.  For me this was pretty good.  I normally eat so much lasagna that I don't want to move and the cheese cake was a surprise.  I do wish I had drank more water though.  When we are out and about is when I'm the worst about it and all weekend we were out and about.  Hopefully getting re-hydrated today will still help me see a good number tomorrow.

My Methods

In the past I have used:

• Nutrisystem
• Turbo Jam
• HCG
• Weight Watchers

All of which I have had some success with.

Nutrisystem – I didn’t find the food appealing, it really looks nothing like what they show on TV and coming up with my vegetables to make all the time was hard.

Turbo Jam – Very effective especially when you follow the jump start diet.  My problem was I didn’t like most of the food in the recipes.  I still use the work outs frequently though.

HCG – Had great results but not really family friendly.  My husband liked the food, but watching others eat foods I craved was hard.

Weight Watcher – I did the online version and it helped, it was finding the time to track all my food I found difficult.

This time I started the C25K program several weeks before I even decided on a change in life style.  I started C25K at 2 weeks post partum and I have stuck with it!  I realized a few weeks ago that I needed more though.  I started trying to watch what I was eating, but it wasn’t working.  I was over eating and I knew it.  Last week on May 2, 2012 I started using My Fitness Pal (MFP).  I had an account from using it before, but the new phone app is awesome and makes tracking food much easier with the barcode scan function.  I no longer have to spend 5 minutes searching for one food.  This time I have also gotten onto the site and reached out to fellow members for support. 

Things that are working for me right now:

• Planning out my food the day before and entering it into MFP.  This way I can use the bar codes and it saves me time.
• Preparing my food the night before (except for dinner) and getting it ready to put in my work bag. – This eliminates not having enough time to figure out what to take in the morning and how many calories it’s all going to be.  It also allows me to measure out the proper portion size so I’m not guessing.
• Eating several small things throughout the day.  Eating at 2 hour intervals seems to be keeping me from getting hungry and I’ve heard it helps boost your metabolism.  
• Breaking my lunch into 2 sections.  I eat half of my sandwich and then about an hour later I’ll eat the other half.  
• Really thinking about if the calories I’m eating are worth it.  I removed 16oz worth of coffee in the morning and replaced it with water because the coffee (with milk and sugar), just wasn’t worth it, and now I benefit from always getting my 64oz of water in if not more.
• C25K!  I love the feeling of pride I have after pushing myself to finish a run.  Today I finished week 7 of the program.  Once I finish the 9 week program my goal is to increase my speed.  Right now I’m only going about 2 miles in 25 minutes.
• Nike+ - Using the sports band and being able to visually see my runs and set goals gives me a great feeling of accomplishment.
• Doing Strength training on my non-running days.  I still do my Turbo Jam videos because they really are effective.

I hope in times when I’m struggling I can come back and look at this list and get back on track.

Finding the Healthy Within

I chose the title Finding the Healthy Within because that’s my mission.  I know I have it in me to turn my life around and become the healthy person I want to be.  That’s half the battle right, wanting to be healthy.

Of course everyone wants to look good in a bathing suit and have abs to die for, but really there is more to it than that.  What I’m looking for…

• Playing with my little girls for as long as they want. Being able to run and jump and practice whatever sport they want is very important to me.
• Teach my girls how to eat right and in moderation so hopefully they never have weight problems.
• Feel good about the skin I’m in.  While this may not happen since I was blessed with my mother’s not even close to elastic skin, I want to be able to look at my naked body and not feel like crying.
• Mental health is high on my priority list and every step closer to being physically healthy is a giant gain in my mental health.
• Feel good about going shopping for clothes, I don’t want it to be a task I dread, I want to look forward to it and not come home depressed and empty handed.

I know that I have it in me to do this and I will do it!  I expect some set backs along the way, but what journey doesn’t have a few bends in the road and maybe even a detour.