Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Fighting Back!

This morning I was going to write about my emotional eating, how I hate it and how I’ve been spiraling out of control.  But then I read this Post on Spoken Dreams of a Realist and decided I want to talk more about fighting back.

If I am honest and think about all the times I gave up before I can probably pin point one stressful thing that caused me to eat horrible, and then I got down on myself for eating horrible, then the scale showed it and then I gave up.

I refuse to give up this time.  Right now I’m very frustrated.  I’m mad at myself for making excuses this weekend not to work out.  I’m mad at myself for not getting my ass outta bed yesterday to do it.  And I’m mad at myself because I feel like I had a major lack of effort when I did work out this morning.

Let’s not even talk about the train wreck that was my eating yesterday.  I had a big juicy mushroom burger for lunch and then pizza and wings for dinner.  I don’t even want to say how many pieces of pizza I ate!

I know what triggered my eating yesterday and when I ordered my lunch I even said to my sister “I should be getting the salad, but I really want this…” and when B suggested picking up dinner I said “how about pizza, I feel like eating my emotions tonight.”

Now that I know I try to eat my emotions away, I get more upset at myself for not fighting the urge.  I obviously knew very well last night that I was totally stressed and overwhelmed and eating horribly because of it and I did it anyway.  The healthy girl inside really wants to punch myself in the stomach and say “This does less harm to your body than that shit you stuffing your face with!”

I am going to fight back!  I’m going to let the healthy girl inside punch me!  I’m going to listen to her!  I'm going to feel excited about having the chance to lose this week and fight the urge to say "well what's the point, I already ruined this week."  You know what, every time you eat, it's a new start, not just every morning or every Monday!

Since my MIL just informed me she is ordering pizza for dinner tonight (gee thanks) I’m going to ask her to get me a salad.  I am NOT going to eat pizza!  I am going to take a picture of my salad and post it!  I am not going to give in!!!  I CAN do this!

I am also going to bust my ass tomorrow morning!  I’m going to work for the 30DS results I want!

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